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BOYS AND BOOKS
Towards the end of summer 2025 I experienced two crosses. In my personal life my relationship was falling apart, our desire was not there anymore and I was heartbroken from the separation. At the same time I was feeling lonely — creatively and professionally. I was also burned out from being in front of screens every day, all day, and being abused by digital culture and high performance. I was longing to find intimacy again — intellectually, physically, emotionally, and creatively.
I went away for a sabbatical, away from screens, and went back to analog: drawing and painting in the woods outside of Helsinki. I also went back to my oldest love — reading. It was healing. When I came back to Berlin I got back on the dating apps and tried to understand how I could ignite authentic connection with men.
I was surprised that many young men, mostly in their twenties, were liking and swiping me — me, being 45. Suddenly my life started to be joyful again. I filled it up with meeting charming, open-minded, kind and curious young men, and with having wonderful literary moments with stories and sexy AF designed book covers.
I decided to do an experiment and marry my two new sources of joy: Boys & Books. I hijacked the dating app platforms and declared: I LIKE BOYS AND BOOKS AND BOYS THAT LIKE BOOKS. Those who swiped me, I would ask for their book of choice — as a filter, to verify we were occupied with similar ideas, or at least ones we could connect through.
Once they were A) hot and B) interesting, we would meet. We got to know each other, sometimes hooked up, sometimes just became friends. I asked them if they wanted to participate in a relational art project. The ask was simple. I wanted to do two acts of resistance: flip the male gaze and counter algorithmic digital culture.
I was inspired by John Berger's Ways of Seeing (1972) and his famous provocation: “Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at.” I offered to restage with them one of the seminal works of female nudity from art history — this time, they are the subject of desire. The book that connected us initially became minimal in its presence, but it's there as a symbolic device representing what connects us as humans.
We also signed a contract in which they gave me consent and ownership over the pictures and their personal stories — reflections on masculinity, intimacy, authenticity, ethics, and the choices they are making as they grow into themselves as men. And at last, each one of them read me a sweet lullaby story from the book they chose.
Afterwards each one went back to their life — some remained lovers, some collaborators, some friends. I am grateful to every one of them for bringing me so much joy and moments of transcendence.
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boys&books is more than a relational art experiment — it is evolving to curated platform for accomplished women & curious young men, a place where intellect, curiosity, and joy collide. Flipping the gaze, one connection at a time.
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